the basic truths of the universe
- Verbosity leads to unclear inarticulate things. (Dan's Truth)
- Elvis Presley is dead.
- The song "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen makes absolutely no
sense, forward, backward, or at any speed.
- When n items of anything are needed, n-1 of them
are in stock.
- It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh
at that man. (Jack's Truth)
- You'll never get out of this life alive.
- A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
- Shit happens.
- It's it and that's that.
- The meaning of life.
(see Basic Mystery #10 )
- When the Swedish bikini team shows up, things definitely get
- If you derive meaning from it, you've missed the point. (Matt's
- Tastes great.
- A woman searches for one man to meet her every want and need.
- A man searches for every woman to meet his one want and need.
- If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
- In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses
of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
- Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong
- The sum of intelligence on the planet is constant; the
population is growing.
- Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
- Nothing outlasts the energizer bunny; it keeps going, and
going, and going....
- What we all need is our own personal lava lamp, so we can be in
it all day, and it would be interesting.
- Elvis Presley is very dead.
- No matter where you go, there you are.
- Troublesome correspondence that is postponed long enough will
eventually become irrelevant.
- Nietzche is dead --- God's Hypothesis
(see Basic Mystery #25 )
- The smallest hole will eventually empty the largest container,
unless it is made intentionally for drainage, in which case it
- If you watch a television show twice during the year, the second
time will be a rerun of the first.
- The key to flexibility is indecision.
- You're soaking in it.
- Elvis Presley is still dead. Just accept it.
- All humans have the ability to think.
- Very few humans use this ability.
- You always find something in the last place you look for it.
- Kurt Cobain is not Elvis, but he is dead.
- If you want to help someone, teach them how to hate armadillos.
- The RF converter output of unit XLT-735B is set to VHF 3 prior
- Reality has no respect for logic.
- The secret to happiness is short-term stupid
self-interest. (Calvin's Proverb)
- If it seems too good to be true, you're sleeping.
- The owls are not what they seem.
- Paintbrushes and pianos will never go out of style.
- When you've eliminated all other possibilities, what you're
left with is no choice.
- The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and
Everything is Forty-Two.
(see Basic Mystery #42 )
- The likelihood that a substance will spill is directly
proportional to the amount of damage it would cause outside of
- The enclosed scoop holds 1/4 cup less 1 tablespoon.
- If you build it, they will come.
- It is difficult to see the obvious.
- Tests of the emergency broadcast system are far more entertaining
than 97% of television programming.
- God is an iron.
- Everything makes sense when misunderstood correctly.
- Made with Real Ingredients.
- Beavis and Butt-head are not role models.
Do you know some Basic Truth of the Universe that isn't on this list?
Email it to Dave and it might
be permanently added to this official, comprehensive list. Your name
will also be added to the list of contributors.