|
The heart's consuming flame, behind its steel cage, freezes and withers and decays.
You are lying in his arms, not twenty feet away, content as a purring kitten.
You know I'm here, and you don't want to be impolite, but you need each other.
Desperately.
You are madly, completely, hopelessly in love with each other.
And I feel the same deep, lasting devotion and desire for you, my dearest friend.
I slink away into the next room, not twenty feet away, the moment your eyes close.
Your head on his chest.
I fail to distract myself, while someone else is living my only dream.
He's a good man, and I can see how much he loves you, too.
He will be good to you and will take care of you in all the ways I can't.
You moan and I cringe. You moan and I cry.
I stay in my hiding place, where you can't see my pain, but I can hear your joy.
A joy I felt once a long time ago, and far, far away, with someone I didn't match.
The pleasure and release and infinite comfort of loving physical intimacy.
I don't want to need it.
Your life, my love, has been such a hell, and it promises to keep getting worse.
I could not deny you this moment of bliss for anything, especially to save my life.
So I melt back into the shadows and encourage you to bask in the lovelight of your joy.
And you begin to glow.
And I hear you whimper and moan in desire and rapt pleasure.
Shards of frozen heartflame tear at the remnants of my soul.
The sounds of ecstasy that I always hear in my favorite impossible dream.
Sounds I can never elicit from you.
You are so in love that it is plainly written on your faces in your every glance.
The holy lovelight shining from your eyes onto each other's smiles.
The lingering, gentle, deeply loving kiss I can hear not twenty feet away.
The direction your love for me never followed.
And I fail to ignore my only dream being lived out not twenty feet away.
The one thing that could make me happy. The only thing I want.
The magical moment that could make my life complete, make everything right.
Is something I can never, ever have.
You whisper, and I hear the sweet tones of your voice, but not your words.
You whisper your undying love, caged and trapped by your own cruel fate.
His heartflame burning in harmony with yours, he echoes your love.
The perfect union of two kindred souls.
There is nothing here for me, but you have a chance to be happy.
I cannot deny you the only thing you want in your moment of need.
These precious few moments are all you have, all else is torture.
All else is torture.
I love you with all my heart and all my mind and all my soul.
To give you this chance for peace and happiness, I must give you to him.
In so doing, I lose my heart, I lose my mind, and I lose my soul.
Gladly I give up all that I am to make you happy.
You and he curl up in your big, comfortable bed, cuddling close together.
Not twenty feet away, I remember all the times I longed for that, crying myself to sleep.
I accept my fate, as always, and keep going further out of my way to let you be happy.
Because I never can.
My lithe and lovely gothic little sister, my confidante and best friend, my pale darling.
You are all that matters, you are all I care about when ironic, sadistic life blindsides us.
Yes, my dear, I would die for you, in a moment, with no reservation and no regret.
More importantly, I would even live for you.
Everything for you. For me, nothing.
Nothing.
nothing
when you no longer need me, will I still exist?
|
