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"Welcome to Hell!" yells a voice in my head
"It doesn't matter you wish you were dead!
You're living in hell ... and there's no way out!
Makes no difference how you scream and shout!"
Chaos fills my mind
My feelings don't make sense
My emotions are at war
I've only logic for defense.
Love struggles in its chains, but I cannot let it free.
I want to, but don't know how, it seem's I've lost the key.
Hatred wells up from inside, a raging inferno.
Cold control puts a lid on the fire, but does not stop its flow.
I punch myself, slap my face, but nothing do I feel.
I look at the stranger in the mirror and know this is not real.
Jealousy stains like green moss I don't believe I have.
I wish I could feel the soothing of care's healing salve.
I drop my guard for just a moment and the pain strikes again.
I see much more clearly now than I could see then.
The burning pain flows through my soul, and I try to raise my shield.
To the awful emotional pain, I know I must not yield,
For should I give in to the pain I know I'll surely die.
By blocking the pain, I block the love, though I know not why.
My outer self remains a lake, calm and clean and cold,
Without giving any clue of just what it does withhold.
My inner self is turbulent, a tornado of flaming spears
That pierce my heart and rend my soul, yet I cannot shed tears.
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