The Generic Ideal Significant Other

Hi all. Saw the Ideal Man thread, and decided to start one on the Ideal Woman, but decided heck, they're both pretty much the same (except for gender, of course). I mean, don't we all want the same thing (feel free to let me know if you disagree)?

Please, bear in mind, the following is merely my opinion, and not gospel.

I may as well begin with the first thing I look for in a woman (and you too, if you're honest). She must be physically beautiful. I'm sorry, but while intellect and others are just as important, appearance counts. And since appearance is the only thing we can judge on a stranger, it is naturally the first thing evaluated.

Physical appearance is honestly not the first thing I look for in a woman. It is usually the first thing I notice, unless the Internet is involved. But that does not mean that it is important.

Physically attractive women catch my attention more easily, but within a given range, physical appearance becomes less important after that. Physical beauty is still a plus, but personality, humor, attitude, intelligence, and many other factors are equally important.

For example: last year I met a woman whose physical appearance would not have caught my attention. She was introduced to me as a friend of a friend. We talked a bit, and we became friends rather quickly. The three of us did things together on a fairly regular basis. Now, it no longer matters whether our mutual friend is involved. Any two of us can spend time together comfortably.

Although my first, most objective, impression of her physical appearance was somewhere in the average range, it changed. As I got to know her better, she began to appear more attractive to me. When I noticed that I considered her beautiful, I chalked up the physical attraction to translated romantic interest. Unfortunately, by that time, she had plans to move in with her boyfriend in New Orleans.

I've heard of this phenomenon being attributed to women. "Men fall in love with women they're attracted to; women are attracted to men they love." My bet is that it works both ways from both sides. Physical interest and romantic interest are linked in a way I can only guess at. One apparently enhances the other, but not as linearly as some would believe.

A quick aside. I'm sure a large number of the people who read this are on the "It's not how I look, it's the person I am inside" bandwagon. Be aware that I disagree (to an extent). You're lying to yourself if you don't admit that, to a large degree, a person's appearance is influenced by their inner state. e.g., someone who is overweight (in America, 75% adults overweight, 34.1% adults obese) is so only because they lack the self-discipline to correct their problem (yes it's harder for some, but life isn't fair). On the other hand, someone with a washboard stomach obviously possesses a considerable degree of willpower (despite what some may think, no one "just looks that way". Maintaining a washboard is a lot of work, and thinking otherwise is just wishful thinking).

I never was one for bandwagons. I actually agree with you here.

Anyways, the Ideal Woman/Man should be physically beautiful (and a fit body is always attractive). She/He should also be secure with themselves. I'm not here to make someone else complete, I'm looking for another who is already complete. I suppose this simply means that she/he should be mature (and there are an awful lot of people who are not, at all age levels).

Okay, now that we're talking about ideals and not definitions of "attractive" I can agree. Physical beauty is by no means the most important thing to me, but neither is it irrelevant. My "Ideal Woman" would be physically beautiful.

The most important thing is the the Ideal Woman/Man has to have an open mind. I will readily admit when I'm mistaken or wrong, so I see no reason I can't ask that of my companion. I guess the best way to put it is that she/he must realize exactly how much there is that they don't know. They also have to be able to admit that someone else might know things that they don't, and that that's okay (it's nice to be able to teach each other, isn't it?).

Ah, so that's your "most important thing." Not beauty after all? Okay, you get a point for denying the stereotype that beauty is most important, but you lose the point immediately for suggesting that everyone's Ideal has the same Most Important Trait. Yes, an open mind is important, but I don't know that it's the most important thing to me, and I certainly won't speak for the rest of the human race.

Nevertheless, you seem to be doing a fair job of describing a generic "Ideal Man/Woman", assuming we drop the part about prioritizing traits.

Physical beauty, inner security, and an open mind. These are the three things which define the Ideal Woman/Man. In my mind, all other attributes add spice equally, but lacking some of them is no big deal. Lacking in one of the big 3 *is* a big deal.

Okay, so those three together are the "Most Important Traits?" Maybe. But I'd phrase it differently. Physical beauty, inner security, and an open mind are the most common traits of the Ideal Man/Woman. It is possible that everyone's Ideal is someone they personally find physically beautiful (varies from culture to culture and from person to person) who is open to the same kinds of philosophies they themselves are. Would a young man with strong faith in the Jehovah's Witness religion (I'm not picking on them, they're just an example I'm familiar with) consider being open to theories of evolution, alien abductions, and the fine art of death metal a trait of his ideal woman?

So, two of these three traits that everybody's Ideal SO should have, are in fact defined individually. Were you to get any more specific than "beautiful, open minded", this ideal would no longer work for everyone. Even if you broke it down into Ideal Man and Ideal Woman, physical beauty is still poorly defined.

So now we're down to one trait, inner security, that defines the Ideal Man/Woman. I'm afraid that isn't going to work for everyone. My ideal woman is an artist. Whether her art is singing or mathematics is not so important, as long as she considers it an art.

An Ideal Mate is a very personal thing. You've named three common characteristics, but I'm afraid that does not constitute a definition of the Generic Ideal. What all this proves is that it is entirely pointless to post a personal ad looking for someone who is "beautiful, self-secure, and open-minded."